‘So What Happens Now?’ - Being Content with the Unknown.

‘Moving Too Fast’

We are used to running at full speed. Maybe sometimes we do have a clear sense of direction, or at least an inkling of what the end goal is. Equally, we could just be running waiting for that next hurdle or exit to come along. But what if we don’t come across these things? Or what if we hit whatever achievement that may be? Because the question that always follows is, Now what? Yet, it's in this very unpredictability that many find their spark. So, how can we cultivate contentment amidst the unknown?

Sometimes we do give ourselves credit for running the marathon or sprint (depending on how you look at it). We take pride in the little things—or at least we should. Because things are hard. There’s always some sort of challenge somewhere, whether that be mental, physical, or emotional. When things are constantly running high and things are all over the place, having that moment to stand down and say ‘I did that’ is, more often than not, short-lived. 

‘Watch What Happens’

Since when did having this panic of “what happens now?” become such a fear? Was it always there, lingering for the right time to raise its head, unwanted? As we know, this industry is a constant revolving door. People are bouncing from job to job (muggle to professional). When I left my old job for the new one, on my last day, I was asking myself that exact question. I was terrified of what was to come. Same for when I finished a project that I had been working on for a year. At the last performance, I asked myself that question again. 

To be honest, for the latter, I was scared of feeling empty. Wandering about the place like I didn’t have a purpose, per se. I had built a routine around this huge thing, and now, all of a sudden, it's just gone. You wake up the next day finding all the discarded bits and pieces and it seems like a strange task to just “pretend it didn’t happen” or to move on that quickly. I wasn’t looking at it, like ‘now I have more time’ because that was the issue. I have more time. What do I do with it? While for the former, I think I was worried that it was going to be worse. 

Despite being used to that revolving door and seeing so many people use it, sometimes it feels like I am on an escalator that is broken. So, I’m stuck somewhere in between, not sure whether I’m going up or down. 

Even when you seem to answer the question, “What happens now?” In the short term, there comes the future in all its existential infamy. Linguring constantly until the next thing comes along. It’s a challenge to put those thoughts aside, especially when you’re constantly counting down days to something ending or beginning. 

‘Into The Unknown’

Going back to running at full speed. As we know the industry never sleeps. There is always some creativity working on something whether that be a self tape or a script. Always busy and sometimes working across several projects. So when do they have time to slow down into a walk or at least a gentle jog? Another question to add to the list. Usually when things have come to an end, you find yourself taking a walk until the next race. Then it’s a case of lacing up your boots (or LaDucas) and hoping for the best. 

Yet, what we do lose sight of is the unexpected. Yes, it’s scary sometimes but don’t some good things come out of fear? If you’re going to throw yourself in the deep end, do it scared! Tread water for a bit you never know you might like it… 

I remember auditioning for a project after promising myself that I wouldn’t perform again. I was petrified of going into that room/doing the self-tape. I had no clue what I was doing but that is what made it interesting, yet the outcome of it all was unexpected. If you don’t know what you’re doing, how are you supposed to learn? An unexpected opportunity has arisen and it’s there for a reason. Take hold of whatever you can, even the smallest of lessons can be learnt just by being present in a strange turn of events. Looking back on the fear I felt at the time, I now see it as I cared and this was something I wanted to do (despite the promise I made). The things that I had learned from that project, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere else. A welcomed challenge, in more ways than one. 

The Finale

It helps with existing in the now, as cliche as that sounds. Being able to confidently say, I did that! I get to do that! It is what it is! A bit of delusion never hurts anyone… None of this happens overnight (she says). The unknown can be said to be one of theatre’s constant companions. It follows regardless of where you stand in this industry. 

After all, it's in the unknown that we discover our greatest “performances” – both on and off stage.